SouthernFriedWitch

GF renders .
SouthernfredWiitch

Feeling uncomfortable in lesbian spaces? (I'm a cis girl and my
fiancée is a non-op trans girl) CW: discussion of genitals.

Hey y'all! Just a little background on me. | used to ID as bi/pan, and was in several abusive relationships with men. For
a while | tried to date men again, but nothing ever came of it. Then, | met my fiancée, the first and only woman I've
ever been with, who is trans. The way | wholly fell in love with her made me realize just how much my relationships.
with men were borne out of subconscious comphet anxieties. With all this in mind, | have a few anxieties about online
lesbian spaces. Even the most well-meaning and and trans friendly §apphic spaces 'verseen can be unfortunately
[Vaginateantric. “Vagitarian” jokes, very yonic artwork (not bad in and of itself. Toh | love a lot of it but stil), and
jokes/memes that generally focus on vaginal sexuality. And I'm always just sitting here feeling really uncomfortable
because the only time I've ever come in contact with another female vagina is literally when I was born. And | don't
feel at all comfortable talking about that in most lesbian groups. I've had really terrible experiences when pointing out
Icis=hiormativity in lesbian humor] m almost always met with "geez t's just a generalization. Calm down, it doesn't say
“all lesbians’, sounds like internalized homophobia, etc.” | want to emphasize: | am not trying to imply that non op
transfemme bodies are in any way “less womanly". | know better than a lot of people how womanly they are, given the
unfortunate amount of cis male bodies | can compare them to. & I'm just expressing discomfort with lesbian groups
‘over-emphasizing vaginas, partly because of my experiences, and partly on behalf of my fiancée. So I'm often left in a
catch-22. | want to be a part of lesbian spaces, but they often make me feel like I'm “not lesbian enough,” intentionally
or not, thanks to all the vagina-centrism. And I'm worried that if | express my experiences I'l be treated like | have an
aversion to cis women's bodies/vaginas (never mind that | have one and quite like it). And | won't know how to
‘counter that because well, I've never tried it. They could theoretically be right. And when | feel a little safer in trans
online spaces, | feel out of place because I'm not trans, and | feel like I'm taking up too much valuable space (which is
part of why it took me so long to talk about this). Sorry for the long post, | just wanted to vent/ get some general
‘opinions on this. Thanks a bunch, and | hope you're all doing great.

SoS Or Q  Ahwe