Unknown Poster

Hi,

Iwish I could be more open (in appropriate spaces) about a particular kink I
enjoy but Iam deeply... well, not ashamed, but I just kind of feel like 'm not
allowed to talk about it, ever.

I'm a trans lesbian and my kink is non-con and master/slave power dynamics;
specifically, I have fantasies about cis women being sexually assaulted by (or
being the slaves of) men, cis women being assaulted by (or being the slaves of)
trans women, and me personally assaulting (or having as slaves) cis women.
Iam poly and really looking forward to hopefully meeting someone who wants to
roleplay this kind of fantasy with me. But in order for that to happen I need to be
able to communicate my preferences, and I can't do that without first overcoming
the idea that I'm just not allowed to talk about this aspect of me, ever.
EE ———————
Why do I feel this way? Part of itis that I spent several years in online lefty
communities where certain kinks (especially sexist power dynamic stuff) were
just assumed to be evil. This led to a lot of doublethink on my part, where I'd be
masturbating to and getting off on my non-con fantasies without hurting anyone
and kind of knowing that it wasn’t a huge deal, while somehow also believing
that Iwas doing something really immoral. I don't spend time in communities
anymore, but as a result of spending time in them I now have strong impulses
toward self-censorship around certain topics. (I can't say X because if I did then
all my friends would leave me and maybe I'd get doxxed.)

Partly, also, I feel like I'm proof that the TERFs are right. I feel like I'm basically
just a creepy man in a dress getting off on invading lesbian spaces. I don’t actually
believe this, but I have to remind myself that I don't actually believe it, and I
haven't really convinced myself deep-down yet.

Relatedly, there are probably some people who are on the fence about whether
transgenderism is good, and if they knew about me and my kinks they'd end up
on the wrong side of the fence. I don't think this is a good reason to be so reserved
about my desires, but it seems like a better reason than “What if the TERFs are
right?” and as a result it’s probably a more significant roadblock.